STRETCH! I've received this advice from everyone - teachers, friends, would-be lovers. I know it's all kindly meant but I never can seem to find the time. I've been told 10 minutes for every mile you run. 40 minutes is not a feasible option. 25 is pushing it. If I get in 10 minutes overall, I'm doing well.
And so, as ever, karma is a bitch - I popped my knee 2 weeks ago at the start of my run to Sea Girt. (Warning: Endorphins are very dangerous, natural pain killers. Sometimes you don't realize you have a problem until it's all over.) As a result I'm a little behind in my mileage build up. 13 miles in 3 months. Current mileage: 4-5
So what do you do when you fall down? You pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start over again. 4 days a week instead of 7 days. 5 mph instead of 6. 4 miles a day instead of 6.
Let me tell you, and anyone who knows me can say this: determination has never been one of my strong suits. I go the way the wind blows and the prevailing wind happens to be from Long Branch, NJ this upcoming May. And if something's gotta give, this time it will be my knees before it's me.
When an irresistible force such as you
Meets an old immovable object like me
You can bet just as sure as you live
Something's gotta give
Something's gotta give
Something's gotta give
- from the motion picture "Daddy Long Legs"
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
The Twinkie Defense
I was just reminded of the Hostess' chapter 11 announcement so I had to weigh in, naturally and no pun intended. I'll tell you a little story.
A 12 yr old girl lived in a neighborhood in one of the boroughs of New York City. It was the kind of area that had a small town quality to it. Most everyone knew everyone else. The girl played on porches and the front stoops of apartment buildings. She shopped on the long strip of stores that started at the top of a hill and went all the way down to a park where, in the snow, she would bring her red Flexible Flyer sled to whoosh down one of the sweetest little slopes she had ever experienced.
Everyday she would walk out of school with her friend, past the church down the street to the apartment building with the white columns that faced the rectory of the church. She would use her latch key, go inside, drop her books in the empty apartment and promptly turn around to go to the corner candy store called Optimo, named for the sign brandishing the make of cigar sold in the shop. There she would buy 2 packages of Twinkies, 3 Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, a Whatchamacallit bar and a pint of chocolate milk each and every weekday afternoon. She would proceed back to her house where she would eat her newly purchased stash along with a mayonaise sandwich while watching General Hospital and The Edge of Night. The outside world was not being particularly kind to her so she took her comfort in enormous quantities of junk food.
Through no fault of her family, this went on for years. Her parents were working hard. There was no one to tell her to stop or talk to her about it and so it went on, chocolate milk and and Twinkies...
In Providence, Rhode Island, the girl began to understand the benefits of a good walk in between Chipwich ice cream sandwiches. In Chiyoda, Japan, she understood the benefits of a good mountain climb. In London England she understood the benefits of a good run whilst looking the "wrong" way to cross the street. She still had a weakness for hazlenut chocolate and chocolate milk.
She came very close to climbing the weight loss mountain but fell off just as she was coming to the peak. It took 10 years for her to dig herself out of that hole.
Now here's the upshot. As this girl continues to peak (and she has not peaked yet), Hostess, the company which houses Twinkies, is on a rather dramatic financial spiral. They were in trouble the moment they lost their biggest and most consistent customer.
A 12 yr old girl lived in a neighborhood in one of the boroughs of New York City. It was the kind of area that had a small town quality to it. Most everyone knew everyone else. The girl played on porches and the front stoops of apartment buildings. She shopped on the long strip of stores that started at the top of a hill and went all the way down to a park where, in the snow, she would bring her red Flexible Flyer sled to whoosh down one of the sweetest little slopes she had ever experienced.
Everyday she would walk out of school with her friend, past the church down the street to the apartment building with the white columns that faced the rectory of the church. She would use her latch key, go inside, drop her books in the empty apartment and promptly turn around to go to the corner candy store called Optimo, named for the sign brandishing the make of cigar sold in the shop. There she would buy 2 packages of Twinkies, 3 Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, a Whatchamacallit bar and a pint of chocolate milk each and every weekday afternoon. She would proceed back to her house where she would eat her newly purchased stash along with a mayonaise sandwich while watching General Hospital and The Edge of Night. The outside world was not being particularly kind to her so she took her comfort in enormous quantities of junk food.
Through no fault of her family, this went on for years. Her parents were working hard. There was no one to tell her to stop or talk to her about it and so it went on, chocolate milk and and Twinkies...
In Providence, Rhode Island, the girl began to understand the benefits of a good walk in between Chipwich ice cream sandwiches. In Chiyoda, Japan, she understood the benefits of a good mountain climb. In London England she understood the benefits of a good run whilst looking the "wrong" way to cross the street. She still had a weakness for hazlenut chocolate and chocolate milk.
She came very close to climbing the weight loss mountain but fell off just as she was coming to the peak. It took 10 years for her to dig herself out of that hole.
Now here's the upshot. As this girl continues to peak (and she has not peaked yet), Hostess, the company which houses Twinkies, is on a rather dramatic financial spiral. They were in trouble the moment they lost their biggest and most consistent customer.
"Dan White's lawyers argued that his diet of junk food led to a chemical imbalance which led to the killings [of Supervisor Harvey Milk and Mayor George Moscone]. The press coined it "The Twinkie Defense."
from the motion picture "Milk"
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Not all who Wander are Lost
"You went all the way to Kyoto, Beaumont, and London but you found yourself on a Manasquan boardwalk."- my best friend on a recent birthday cardIt's true. I've been to a few places, always with the motivation to find...something - happiness, peace of mind, contentment. It's a difficult prospect especially when it's a wild goose chase. You won't find any of it elsewhere until you find it within yourself. I know it's so cliched but it's true - you can never escape what's going on in your own head.
Losing what amounts to the weight of an average 12 year old is of course helpful. I have to admit. I love shocking people who haven't seen me in a few years. The reaction is priceless and the result is very easy on the fragile ego. But here's my point: there's got to be something more. And until I find it I'm gonna try going to the next crazy place without really going that far.
BANG! What you just heard was me throwing down the gauntlet. Ok it's after midnight on Sunday January 8, 2012. As of this moment I am in training for the New Jersey Half Marathon which takes place on Sunday, May 6, 2012. If my meager technological skills permit, I will log my mileage here. We'll see. I think I can do it on Nike.com. In the meantime I will, to use the expression from Led Zepplin, ramble on.
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring; renewed shall be blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be king." - J. R. R. Tolkien
Sunday, November 20, 2011
The Silly Season
Alot of people have problems, especially during the silly season. - Lethal Weapon
There's alot of things to be thankful for during this silly season. There should be no looking on the other side of the fence for greener grass. However, if anyone ever says to you, Why can't you do that? or How did she lose all that weight? Keep in mind that at this point in time, there is nothing else. There is no family of my own to take care of. There are no children to wake up and get to school. There is no husband or other half to spend time with. It is me, my body and I. I can take an hour to myself every morning. I can take pilates classes a few times each week. I have absolutely no excuse why I can't stay this way unless I slip into a deep depression whilst sitting in front of the TV with a bag of miniature Reeses Peanut butter cups as I used to in my adolescent years. So if anyone asks you, "hey what about you?", warn them not to go there.
Today was a mirror of those times - the jumbo bag of Skittles and a large bar of Kit Kats in the movie theater. But now I pick myself up and dust myself off and remember to be a little more mindful. What I have to remember, even as I have to fight back tears, is that my grass may not be greener but at least it is my grass. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.
There's alot of things to be thankful for during this silly season. There should be no looking on the other side of the fence for greener grass. However, if anyone ever says to you, Why can't you do that? or How did she lose all that weight? Keep in mind that at this point in time, there is nothing else. There is no family of my own to take care of. There are no children to wake up and get to school. There is no husband or other half to spend time with. It is me, my body and I. I can take an hour to myself every morning. I can take pilates classes a few times each week. I have absolutely no excuse why I can't stay this way unless I slip into a deep depression whilst sitting in front of the TV with a bag of miniature Reeses Peanut butter cups as I used to in my adolescent years. So if anyone asks you, "hey what about you?", warn them not to go there.
Today was a mirror of those times - the jumbo bag of Skittles and a large bar of Kit Kats in the movie theater. But now I pick myself up and dust myself off and remember to be a little more mindful. What I have to remember, even as I have to fight back tears, is that my grass may not be greener but at least it is my grass. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Compare and Contrast
When I get blue, which is happening a bit more often lately, I try to take stock of what I have accomplished. The list of things I have not accomplished would fill Yankee Stadium but there are simple things that have yet to come into my grasp and it makes me doubt myself in such a way as to undermine my motivation. So because of this - and call it what you will, ego trip, a crowing spree, I don't care - I am making the comparison of what I was and what I have become.
A co-worker recently told me that the before picture does not even look like a distant relative, let alone my former self. What's interesting about the photo is that you can see the lost, frightened look in that girl's eyes. The after photo is the countenance of a girl who is not necessarily frightened but who no longer gives a hoot what people think and to no longer give a hoot takes confidence.
Again, maybe a sort of midlife crisis has brought me to this point where I am entering my second childhood. To commemorate my 40th birthday I went out to Brooklyn, NY and treated myself to a tattoo on my back. This was not a rash decision but one I thought over 10 years ago when I was only half as thin as I am now. But now I have a back worthy of some artwork and I hope the artwork is part of my motivation to keep my body this way. It's my focus right now until some of those simple things I have missed out on come along. Until then, whenever I am in doubt or gloomy or feel as if I'm "stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it" I will look at my old driver's license and say, "I am better than that and I deserve whatever my heart desires." I just have to learn to say it without crying. As with everything, a work in progress...
And if your way should falter along this stony pass, it's just a moment. This time will pass... - U2
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The change to Autumn
It's always been my most favorite time of the year. I get a hopeful feeling even as the leaves start to change and die. My favorite holiday, Halloween, is coming up. My sense of expectancy is heightened even as I remember not to expect much. Life is less heartbreaking that way.
As for change, I am trying to do so myself. I need to find a way to maintain my weight. Do I run less? Do I eat more? I would rather do neither but I am at the edge of that slippery slope called obsession. More than one person has noted that my ribs might be a bit too prominent. Perhaps I'll be a skeleton for Halloween.
There have been lots of changes in the past few years - a new teaching career and a new slim body. There's only one thing that's missing - a new life. Perhaps it's just around the corner or in the October pumpkin patch. I try hard to keep in mind that there is more to life than changing your body but for right now it's enough and, wow, it's amazing how it changes when you try hard enough.
And for the record, 95 lbs. What a change a year and a half makes!
As for change, I am trying to do so myself. I need to find a way to maintain my weight. Do I run less? Do I eat more? I would rather do neither but I am at the edge of that slippery slope called obsession. More than one person has noted that my ribs might be a bit too prominent. Perhaps I'll be a skeleton for Halloween.
There have been lots of changes in the past few years - a new teaching career and a new slim body. There's only one thing that's missing - a new life. Perhaps it's just around the corner or in the October pumpkin patch. I try hard to keep in mind that there is more to life than changing your body but for right now it's enough and, wow, it's amazing how it changes when you try hard enough.
And for the record, 95 lbs. What a change a year and a half makes!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
The Fight for the Flat Tummy vs. The Fight against the Midlife Crisis
In the days leading up to my 40th birthday, I find it difficult not to look back and realize all the things I have not done - serious and basic life choices that may not come this way. In juxtaposition to this I am on my continual fight to flatten my stomach.
Unfortunately one issue might have something to do with the other. Due to my age, the skin does not rebound quite as quickly as it would have, say, 10 years ago. There's hardly any weight to lose only skin to tighten. But what then? Does that make me prettier or smarter? Will I have that "look at me" quality that I never had at any time in my earlier life but always wanted? I know what you are about to say. It's all about attitude. It's about how you see yourself. I never realized I really needed to be thin in order to feel good about myself. Had I known I would have shedded the 90+ lbs years ago, because-and make no mistake about this-it does matter. We are perceived by our appearance and in my case it is how I perceived myself as well. And we are also perceived by our attitude and losing weight improves our attitude.
I suppose you could say this particular post is a moment of weakness, a pity party for all those things that just never came my way. But who is to say it's still not possible? "What is meant for you will not get past you." I hope I am meant for great things. Looking back on the past 18 months, I know I am capable of them. We all are. And as a friend said recently, "you have to believe it, to see it."
Unfortunately one issue might have something to do with the other. Due to my age, the skin does not rebound quite as quickly as it would have, say, 10 years ago. There's hardly any weight to lose only skin to tighten. But what then? Does that make me prettier or smarter? Will I have that "look at me" quality that I never had at any time in my earlier life but always wanted? I know what you are about to say. It's all about attitude. It's about how you see yourself. I never realized I really needed to be thin in order to feel good about myself. Had I known I would have shedded the 90+ lbs years ago, because-and make no mistake about this-it does matter. We are perceived by our appearance and in my case it is how I perceived myself as well. And we are also perceived by our attitude and losing weight improves our attitude.
I suppose you could say this particular post is a moment of weakness, a pity party for all those things that just never came my way. But who is to say it's still not possible? "What is meant for you will not get past you." I hope I am meant for great things. Looking back on the past 18 months, I know I am capable of them. We all are. And as a friend said recently, "you have to believe it, to see it."
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